The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn,shining ever brighter till the full light of day. PR 4:18

I was raised up in a very broken family, so broken that I think it cant be broken any more . From my childhood , my parents always quarreled with each other and fought each other. When they fought each other, my father was very violent and will destroy nearly everything in my house. Sometimes my parents will threaten to commit suicide . It was really a disaster to live in this kind of family .From Childhood we had little joy in my house . Sometimes my father would beat me even I committed no mistakes . I remember once he held a knife and would like to kill me . Once when we had dinner , I said one word and he threw away the whole table. From my childhood, I feared him very much and kept a distance with him . But As I became an adult , I know from my heart that he has been loving me very much . But at that time I just couldn't feel it.

My mom disliked me , I can see from her eyes. I could sensed she didn't like me to come to this world . After I believed in Jesus Lord one day I was moved by Holy Spirit and asked her if she would like to abort me when she conceived me . She said yes, because her relationship with my father was so terrible and she would like to leave my father. But since I was conceived, she couldn’t leave my father. So she was really hope I wont come to this world. My mom didn’t treat me well. She always beat me too. I remember sometimes she would drive me out of my house and I had to sleep near the place for pig. Plus something else, in my heart I had a lot of hatred and anger to my parents. When I was a child I always hope I was picked up from somewhere to this family .

Since my father was quite weak in his character, the people living in my village didn't respect us , they always bullied us. I always felt very lonely and didn't have any company when I was a child. People around me always tried to tease me or mock me . I was very angry with them and had more hatred inside my heart . Inside my heart I longed for love. I considered Love was the most important thing for me in this world at that time . I can trade your love with anything I had . Besides, I had a very negative attitude to life. I thought life was meaningless and full of struggle .

After I graduated from university , I came to Hongkong with my mother. Life in Hongkong was not easy for me as a new comer at that time Once I passed by a church and outside there was a verse: MT 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. I was deeply touched by this verse because I felt I was really burdened. I entered to this church and talked with a person there, she taught me a lot of things but none of them I understood. Later I found a company and my colleague brought me to this church. The brothers and sisters treated me very good. But I found very bored being there. I didn’t know how to pray. When it was my turn to pray I would be very fearful. I didn't know the meaning of bible. I thought it was the most boring book in this world. What I loved was reading the novels concerning martial arts, I can read the whole night without sleeping.

Later I told them I felt bored and never came to church again . Then I left that church for one year. During this year I made some friends who were not believers and I was hurt and disappointed with them . I found it was impossible to find love in this world because everyone was seeking love. One day a sister from the church called me one day and said she would like to bring me to a small church , that is called Bethesda Community Hongkong Church . There were only around 120 members there . When I was there the pastor laid his hands and prayed for me . He told me a lot of my secret which I have never told others. I was so surprised with his prayer and asked how come he knew my secret . He said it was Lord Jesus told him. From that time I know Jesus can speak to us , wow , that is a new discovery .

The pastor invited me to attend his cell group in his house. When I sat there I felt so comfortable and a kind of peace I have never experienced. It seemed I could cast all my cares and burden away for a little while and just rested there . I began attending his group . They taught me a lot of things, like I should not practice martial arts and Chinese Qigong. I thought they must be wrong because in China so many people have been doing this . They must have some misunderstanding with this, I told myself.

Then I was told there would be a pastor from Argentina coming to Hongkong . He will have 7 nights of crusade in Hongkong . It was said this pastor can perform signs and wonders. I thought , this pastor must be able to give me something. So I challenged Jesus that if You were God, please show me something in this crusade.

For the first night of crusade , I waited in line for this pastor’s prayer. After his prayer , I felt very uncomfortable and would like to vomit . I got nothing for the first night. Then second night I told the Lord if you didn’t bless me , I wont leave this place tonight. That night the Lord deeply touched my heart. As this pastor prayed for me , he laid his hands on me, I fell down on ground and although I closed my eyes, I saw the heaven was open and a lot of golden light or water flowing into my body like an ocean . I sensed the Lord’s love at that time. For the first time I knew God loved me so much . His love is real, our abba Father is real . From that night, my life changed . Following that night , the pastor told us that if we didn’t forgive others, the Lord wont forgive us. He leaded us in a prayer : saying, Father, I forgive you, mother I forgive you . As I repeated what he said. Suddently I cried aloud like never before. Several brothers ran out and brought me to a special room for further prayer. The heart of healing continued for a long time. When the preacher mentioned earthly father I will cry for a long time . Praise the Lord, now I have forgiven my father . In fact my healing lasts for many years ….

After this crusade, my life changed, praise the Lord. I began feeling Abba Father's love . Abba Father's love is so real. Each morning when I woke up, I sensed He sat next to me . It seemed I could touch His presence. He loved me so much and always answered my prayer each day . I knew the martial arts and Chinese Qigong were wrong and I got rid of anything concerning them . I even threw away all pornography and any cassette . I was so content with Abba Father's love each day, so enjoyed his presence each day . It seems Abba Father went to any place I went, together with me . I began getting up at 3:30 in the morning and read His words. Wow , I loved His words so much . It was not more boring. I read a lot of chapters each day . His words were so sweet , like honey . When I read His words, my liver will be very warm ( I have got hepatitis B ) and seems there is a like of water flowing to my liver and brought healing to it .

Every day I enjoyed Abba Father’s love and He spoke to me while I was in prayer. He showed me a picture that a child was on top of a mountain and saw the sunrise. Besides him there was an adult . The adult was embracing the child and saw the sunrise together. I asked Father the meaning and He gave me this verse : PR 4:18 The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day……….. ( To be continued )